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You Are Stevo!


Which SLC Punk are you?
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Let the mountains rejoice for I am finally divorced!!

Sometimes I start, but more likely I stop without knowledge, expression or regret.

Fantastical flirtation with young virgins - a metaphor for forgotten youthfulness, never faded. Empty wallet brought happiness - nevermore. Freedom found in dime stores. Rejoice! For your destiny has arrived. Surrender to her unmerciful power of persuasion. My love is unrehearsed suicide - surreal, sublime, unimagined. Will this journey begin or has it, like my love, ceased - suddenly - like once plentiful now fewer first loves? Oh! Unanticipated kisses - sweet in reproach, undesirable in retrospect. What did I do in past lies to deserve a love as unrequited as this? I fear I was a traveler whose destination was never known. I have objectified you for too long. Sometimes, for months on end, your proper name never once enters my mind; instead secret lovely words come to mind: sweetness, darling, precious, unforgotten; all amongst the many varied by position of the moon. I try to run from this, but alas I come around full circle.

Honestly, if as in my diminished mind, you approached me once again I have no idea what I would say to you. Surely within 15-seconds you would see through my polished exterior and realize that I had been obsessing on you since about six months after we first parted.

You ask, with reason, what were you doing for the first six months? My reply is much more mundane than perhaps anticipated - I was busy being miserable. My misery was, unfortunately, not on your account. Rather at the moment my misery was owed to anther much more sinister being whom I would prefer not to reproach at this juncture. See, life is never quite an exercise in linear approach. Rather time, space and lastly being become jumbled and rearranged around sometimes more melancholy events - mostly unrecalled after limited exposure to time.

I always hated editing. I just wrote freely and never went back to change a word, thought or sentence. Most of the time I made silly errors in grammar or spelling, although my words always seemed sharp, fresh - they were entirely unrehearsed and unedited. I started to run my life like this - same as writings. Quickly I discovered large gaps in this approach to life. For, unrehearsed words are like poison - quickly they deliver final blows if their dosage is even slightly misdiagnosed. I have become better, thought the years, at rehearsing my words...but still I make grave errors.

In my madman's fantasies we are in love. Our undying obsession for each other far reaches any meaningful boundaries set forth by human conditioning. Our love was never kosher, always unorthodox. We are attracted for unknown reasons - physically our forms disgust each other, but still we found ourselves entwined, engrossed, consumed by oddly passionate lust for each other. My fantasies are my realities, because in my world there was never truth - there was just you.

I want to be your biggest dirty little secret. I want to be the indulgence that you would never admit, even to yourself, which you partook in. You are so silly, why did you ever come here?

No, you don't know that answer either, but still you stay and come back again. Sometimes without thought, you randomly check in...

Still after all this time you find yourself intrigued, but that which is not interesting at all. Such is life. I won't tell anyone, if you promise to keep your mouth shut too.

We never really made it past "formal introductions" but damn it I can't stop thinking about you. You are so sweet...like candy. God damn it.
You felt so good. Like warm summer days in wide, open fields...alone...pleasant like mid-summer's day
sun. In some ways you have become by downfall, but in others
you have become the standard at which I place all others. Thank you for that. You have saved me from
allot of bad experiences. But for how much longer?

i don't know anymore.

i don't feel the same way as I did before, well lately at least...

Let's see what this week has to hold.

Why do you keep on stopping by...oh oh oh...
if u have no intention of saying hi? ah ah ah...

Seriously..though...Mr. H?

I think I might have (lost) you forever.

.....

no regrets, son.

I must admit...my heart did skip a beat...just for a second when, looking at history, I noticed something that might indicate that you are there....

was that you?

Oh god. I hope.

I have been thinking about you allot since the new year (I must admit...far before)

How are you?
Are you busy?
Did someone steal your heart?

You were the sweetest thing I had known in a long time. You were careful yet cautious. Passionate yet restrained.

Yea, I know I fucked up...can we start again? I am not asking for any promises (nor will I give them to you). I just want to know you again...smile with you...make you laugh...even if it were just for a minute and never again...it would all be worth it.

Am I sleeping with ghosts? (my number hasn't changed)

I don't have many regrets in life when it comes to events...but perhaps, at times, when it comes to people....I screwed up....yeah, I can admit it. You were the best. I had allot of fun. Just wanted to say hello.

It's not like I haven't had much to say lately. A bunch of times I actually thought about posting something...I just never had the proper motivation, not lately...

Anyway, I found the pictures and the letters - hundreds of them. But of course, you knew they were there....that's why you tried to sue me to get them back. I am done with the mumbo-jumbo talk...this is straight.

Wow, you are cute! You think you totally played me, eh? Crying to me that NO ONE COULD HELP YOU. In the meantime you had a little engel on the side. Cute. Really cute. Well, not her, the whole thing I mean. She lived with you??! WHAT??!! That is totally insane. Do you realise that u have sunk to the lowest level of human existance?

I think, perhaps, you don't care...because you have been a bottom feeder for a while now. Probably most of your adult, forget that, life.

Anyway.....well....more later.

Just to let you know...I now know everything. Or are there more suprises?!?!?!

Stay tuned.