1001. City’s collective IQ drops eight points, temporarily tying us with Seattle.

1000. Delegates from Kansas spotting Dave Chappelle on the streets 50 times a day.

999. Rudy Giuliani caught backstage in Nosferatu pose, muttering, "Soon all this will be mine!"

998. Protest war stories from people who spent previous 364 days watching MTV.

997. Mary Cheney forced to stop eating pussy for most of Wednesday primetime slot.